Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
