flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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