I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
