He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
