I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
