she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
