Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
