Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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