they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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