So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize