weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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