My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
