Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
