I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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