woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
