Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
