you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
