Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
