I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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