good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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