Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
