Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
This is not my ceiling
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
