you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I touched a dick in church today
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
