I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
