All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
