Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
