If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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