Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.

Fav 4 2324 942
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(704): View more from North Carolina

you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times

Fav 7 3259 1438
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(216): View more from Ohio

I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.

Fav 7 2259 1122
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(419): View more from Ohio

who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage

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(705): View more from Ontario

I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.

Fav 2 1330 970
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(907): View more from Alaska

It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.

Fav 8 2704 727
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink

Fav 1 554 379
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(303): View more from Colorado

A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.

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