Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
if only i could text you this smell
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
