well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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