I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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