so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
