Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize