he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
