Umm I'm too high to move.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
