Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
