dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
