Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
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