new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
