that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
