she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
