Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
