I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
