we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
