don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
