Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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