So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
