Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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