I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
