i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
