My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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