Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
