It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
