It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
