Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
