When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize