No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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