Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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