i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
