guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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