Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
