this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
