A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she looked like the before picture.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
