tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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