Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize