I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
