I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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