you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
