Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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