Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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